The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
