Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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