i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
