sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
