Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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