Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
