its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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