I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
