he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
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