i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
