Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
