just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
