One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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