butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
