just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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