she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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