What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
