paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
