cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
