Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
