Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you had me at cake vodka
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
