babies were throwing up all over the place
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
