Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
