I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
