oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
