I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
