Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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