Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Who wears a wallet chain?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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