3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
