my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
