and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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