you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
