matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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