is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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