we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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