I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
