I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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