All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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