he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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