her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
