my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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