I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
