She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize