I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
