32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
