i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were destined to go to rehab together
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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