so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
