I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
