Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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