There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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