in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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