he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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