how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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