bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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