I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
