our cab driver is having phone sex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
