I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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