I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize