I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
