seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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