My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
