i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
